meowfall

Moonfall: This cat is smarter than the plot

Moonfall was… Pretty crap to be honest, though not as crap as I think Moon Crash will be. Directed by disaster-loving director Roland Emmerich (Independence Day), it cost between $138–146 million to make, and brought in only $10m in its opening weekend. Why? Because it isn’t very good. That’s why.

The script is honestly shocking, with lines that will have you question the sanity of the actors delivering them. A plot that makes Armageddon look legit, and leaps of logic that would crush Data. It is SUPERB to look at though, with some of the best visuals in a science fiction that I’ve ever seen. It also has a decent cast. With Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson and John Bradley. Sadly the writing is atrocious and anything these rather good actors can offer is drowned in absurdity.

It’s dumb

I was going to do a video review for Moonfall, but I just couldn’t be bothered. So instead I compared it to my girlfriend’s cat, Eric. He’s honestly one of the dimmest animals that I’ve met, but he is damn adorable.

Look, the movie was fun, if you can sucker punch the stupid bits out your head (I find a bottle of red helps). I wouldn’t say this is exactly original though. It patches elements of Independence Day 1, and 2 (shudder) as well as sticking in a every disaster movie made.

My brain hurts

It starts out very Armageddon, with a team being put together to go and see what’s going on. Through ‘reasons’, only 3 end up going, including conspiracy theorist K. C. Houseman (played by Game of Thrones actor John Bradley). He’s supposed to be the comic relief in Moonfall. Sadly the only relief you get is when he isn’t on screen. So many of his lines fall flatter than the earth and legit had me cringing. Bad-Ass Haller Berry is also laughable as now head of NASA. Patrick Wilson, a former astronaut who is now disgraced because reasons, dials it in from the dark side of the moon.

It’s interesting that director Roland Emmerich complained recently that Star Wars and Marvel were ruining cinema. He recently said:

“It’s ruining our industry a little bit, because nobody does anything original anymore.”

Roland Emmerich

While there is some truth to that statement, you can’t blame a more successful franchise for the failure of your own ‘new’ IP. Especially if the reason is because Moonfall’s script feels like it’s been put together by a class of 8 year olds. The side-story of the family actually annoyed me no end. With desperate ‘please care about these characters’ being shoehorned into every scene. I swear I heard Roland screaming ‘care, please, care for them!’ I didn’t.

I’d say wait till this hits a streaming service to watch, but again, it is visually stunning. Otherwise it would make for a good Sunday hangover movie.

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All the series and all the movies couldn't put society back together again.