Glorious review: A hole lot of glory

Glorious is a movie by Rebekah McKendry starring Ryan Kwanten as a drunk Wes and J. K. Simmons as… I don’t really know! The marketing around this certainly piqued my interest, what with the premise being that a dude has to stick his Johnson (not the British PM) into a glory hole to possibly save the universe. I wrote about the trailer only last week, saying I’d be back with a review. And damn people, the movie is good!

Glorious was released on the streaming service Shudder on 18 August, and it’s a little gem. I really expect this movie to suck… Well, literally. But I was pleased that the hook was just a marketing ploy that certainly got my attention!

Starring Ryan Kwanten (True Blood) as a hungover dude suffering the loss of his girlfriend, the film takes place in a roadside bathroom. It’s disgusting, dirty and smelly. He’s woken up hungover as all hell, and making matters worse if the voice coming from a closed cubicle. Inside said cubicle (with a hole in its side) is the voice of J.K Simons. And he wants something…

glorious partner

Glorious holes

Glorious is very much a Lovecraft movie. It’s unnerving, has cosmic themes, and even purple flowers. You need them purple flowers! It’s also one of the best mind fuck movies I’ve seen since Willy’s Wonderland. Like, really. However, it’s not just bonkers for the sake of being bonkers. Minor spoilers ahead.

Wes is stuck in a toilet. There’s this weird demon, god, thing in a cubicle, and he wants something. Firstly, he just starts talking to Wes. The nameless voice tells Wes that he has been chosen. Wes is like ‘fuck this, am out of here’ and discovers he’s locked in the toilet. He’s also told NOT to look into the cubicle. Of course he doesn’t heed that and bad things happen as a consequence. It’s both viciously funny while also being very dark. It’s not scary, not in a jump scare sense. But it’s psychologically scary. It plays on dark anxieties that Freud would love to chat to you about.

glorious glory hole

Tis but a scratch

It’s also a very gory movie, with body parts all over the place! I do love this type of horror. As mentioned, it’s very Lovecraftian, so it’s far more of an existential nightmare than a real one. The visuals are great, with some almost Dr Strange level psychedelic scenes that work in contrast to the sombre toilet setting. The soundtrack and sound effects are also very well done.

I see some critics complaining that it’s slow, and that the 80 minutes seems like a long time. Other than the very obvious fact they are talking garbage and obviously don’t get the movie, the runtime was perfect for me. In the last act a huge twist comes at you, and I squealed in delight when I realised what was happening!

I highly recommend watching this movie. The performances from the two leads cements the horror and the witty script makes it a delight to watch.

I give Glorious a…


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All the series and all the movies couldn't put society back together again.